chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Randomize
