im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
