Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
