this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
