No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
