Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you inspire me to be a worse person
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
