I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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