Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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