I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
