Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
