Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
