put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize