I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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