My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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