If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
