Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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