Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
