Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
