hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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