woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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