Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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