your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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