the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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