just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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