I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
