phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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