You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
