A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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