Screwed.edu
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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