dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize