I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
