And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
