Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
