Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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