Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
