After last night, I could never be a politician.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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