yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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