Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
