On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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