what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
