I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
