Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
