worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
