help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
