Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
