He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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