How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
