Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
