i think my mom watched the whole time
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize