You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize