ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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