my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
