Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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