Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
