I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
