I just pynch a tree in the face
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
