I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
