Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
