i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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