I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize