You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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