Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
