i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
sex in a hospital.. check
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
