So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
