so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I deserve this hangover.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
