if you like me you must not know who I am
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
