I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize