Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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