I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize