she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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