3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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